I just got done talking to Jadon and Tristan for awhile. I miss my boys so much. :-(
It will be nice soon, once I move to the day shift I will be able to talk to them more often. I still don't want to call too much though, that didn't work out so well for Nicole when she would call too much. I can understand the urge to though, I wish I could talk to them all the time. I miss seeing them in the mornings esspecially, being awoken by your smiling kids is a good way for any day to start.
I really miss when I would wake up first, I would go crawl into Tristan's bed and he would wake up just a little and give me a big smile and a hug and then just cuddle right up next to me. Then he would wake Jadon up and he would come down and get into Tristan's bed too and we would just sit there and snooze for awhile.
I can FEEL their absence, it's like a part of me is missing. I'm a father all the time, thats who I am and that is what I've always wanted to be.
I Love my Sons very much, I miss them very much. I feel honored and privilaged to be their Father, even when its difficult. I am so very blessed to have them, and i hope that in the future I will be further blessed with more children as well. They want a little sister after all, little Julianna Isabella.
Anyway, I'm off to Spokane for the 50th Anniversary. Probably going to see Die Hard tonight too.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
The Day Shift
Awesome, I just got word from my Supervisor that my transfer to the dayshift went through. Starting July 16th I'll be working 6am - 2:30pm, then my birthday is July 18th!!
I generally like evening shifts better, but I've got to do whatever is in the best interests of my kids and not myself. I tell people I'm not a morning person, but that is not true at all. I LOVE to stay up late, and that kills my mornings, but if I actually go to bed and get 5-6 hours of sleep, then mornings are no problem.
Lot's of overtime this week, I didn't get to the Gym as much as I had wanted to, little more each week though. I would really like to find a new Tennis Partner, someone to play with at least once every couple weeks. The thought of having a trim muscular body is appealing, but not really my concern, I've never really been too into looks. My concern is just making sure I am fit and healthy, the boys are getting older and I need to keep up with them, play football and baseball and basketball with them.
Oh yeah, and Tennis too! I found this P-I-M-P Spongebob Tennis set for kids, they are still pretty little, but I think I'll probably pick them each a set up when they get back in August.
People were right, it does get easier having them down there with each passing week. That makes me feel guilty though. It helps that the boys are having a great time, and Nicole seems to be doing to good job with them. I can't know this for sure, but it sounds like its going alright. It's comforting that I will get them back for the school year. I Miss my Boys.
About that crazy thing I did yesterday, I haven't heard anything yet and I really don't expect to. I kind of went out on a long limb sending that girl a message on facebook. It would be cool if I did though, definitaly an interesting way to meet someone I suppose.
I went to starbucks on my lunch break yesterday, I was wired the rest of the night lol. Apparently they have a raspberry frap now, I LOVE raspberries, I think I might try it.
Well, I'm off to work. I love getting weekends off!
I generally like evening shifts better, but I've got to do whatever is in the best interests of my kids and not myself. I tell people I'm not a morning person, but that is not true at all. I LOVE to stay up late, and that kills my mornings, but if I actually go to bed and get 5-6 hours of sleep, then mornings are no problem.
Lot's of overtime this week, I didn't get to the Gym as much as I had wanted to, little more each week though. I would really like to find a new Tennis Partner, someone to play with at least once every couple weeks. The thought of having a trim muscular body is appealing, but not really my concern, I've never really been too into looks. My concern is just making sure I am fit and healthy, the boys are getting older and I need to keep up with them, play football and baseball and basketball with them.
Oh yeah, and Tennis too! I found this P-I-M-P Spongebob Tennis set for kids, they are still pretty little, but I think I'll probably pick them each a set up when they get back in August.
People were right, it does get easier having them down there with each passing week. That makes me feel guilty though. It helps that the boys are having a great time, and Nicole seems to be doing to good job with them. I can't know this for sure, but it sounds like its going alright. It's comforting that I will get them back for the school year. I Miss my Boys.
About that crazy thing I did yesterday, I haven't heard anything yet and I really don't expect to. I kind of went out on a long limb sending that girl a message on facebook. It would be cool if I did though, definitaly an interesting way to meet someone I suppose.
I went to starbucks on my lunch break yesterday, I was wired the rest of the night lol. Apparently they have a raspberry frap now, I LOVE raspberries, I think I might try it.
Well, I'm off to work. I love getting weekends off!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
What am I thinking?
Ok, this is comepletly weird. I just sent a girl I found online a message, kind of asking her out. Its weird, I cant believe I even sent the message. I have never met this person, but I find myself to be very nervous about it.
It feels like a really good time to start dating again. Though it feels like there is a lot more pressure this time around, even though I want a new relationship to start out casual and hopefully grow into more, having kids in the equation adds some pressure.
I really hope i hear back from her, her name is Kara and from what I can garner from her profiles she is very cool and very pretty.
Well, I had a good day at work today. I talked to the boys on my lunch break, they seem to be doing well. I am hoping to talk to them via webcam this weekend too. On saturday I will be up in Spokane, not sure what time it is at, but I will be going to my step-grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Having them be my step-grandparents still feels very wierd, my mom has only been married since 2001, but I have known them since I was a kid because they were my best friend's step grandparents too. Its still weird to think that my best friend and I have step-dads that are brothers, but it makes our kids cousins, which Rocks! :-P
I might stay up Saturday night with Russ in CDA, I want to go see a movie in theater and hopefully I can find somebody to go with me while I'm up there.
I am watching Friends again, almost done with Season 1. That show is fricken HILARIOUS!
Anyway, we'll see how things go.
It feels like a really good time to start dating again. Though it feels like there is a lot more pressure this time around, even though I want a new relationship to start out casual and hopefully grow into more, having kids in the equation adds some pressure.
I really hope i hear back from her, her name is Kara and from what I can garner from her profiles she is very cool and very pretty.
Well, I had a good day at work today. I talked to the boys on my lunch break, they seem to be doing well. I am hoping to talk to them via webcam this weekend too. On saturday I will be up in Spokane, not sure what time it is at, but I will be going to my step-grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Having them be my step-grandparents still feels very wierd, my mom has only been married since 2001, but I have known them since I was a kid because they were my best friend's step grandparents too. Its still weird to think that my best friend and I have step-dads that are brothers, but it makes our kids cousins, which Rocks! :-P
I might stay up Saturday night with Russ in CDA, I want to go see a movie in theater and hopefully I can find somebody to go with me while I'm up there.
I am watching Friends again, almost done with Season 1. That show is fricken HILARIOUS!
Anyway, we'll see how things go.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Good Weekend
I went up to Coeur d'Alene all weekend to hang out with my friend Russ. I got back just in time for work on Monday morning! We had a good time, hanging out at his store, eating dinner with his parents, couple of late nights too. After all the good advice I gave him about not drunk emailing people, that was the first thing I did to somebody!
Weekend was good, but my monday was horrible. I need to get off the evening shift and I need to possibly get into another department. I have been talking with people in other departments, and I am certain I was placed into the highest stress department on the line. Between that and working evenings, and not being able to ever talk to my kids during the week.. its just too much stress because of work, I need to move to the morning shift asap, and possibly switch departments.
I really want to go see a movie this weekend, but I don't want to go alone. I was thinking about seeing Evan Almighty or the new Die Hard movie. I will go up and watch Transformers with Russ either on the 4th of July or the weekend afterwards. We're COOL!
Weekend was good, but my monday was horrible. I need to get off the evening shift and I need to possibly get into another department. I have been talking with people in other departments, and I am certain I was placed into the highest stress department on the line. Between that and working evenings, and not being able to ever talk to my kids during the week.. its just too much stress because of work, I need to move to the morning shift asap, and possibly switch departments.
I really want to go see a movie this weekend, but I don't want to go alone. I was thinking about seeing Evan Almighty or the new Die Hard movie. I will go up and watch Transformers with Russ either on the 4th of July or the weekend afterwards. We're COOL!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Anger, lots and lots of Anger
I am so fucking tired of Nicole and her fucking bullshit, I am about to freak out. I have had enough, she is going to put me through as much shit as she can for the rest of my life.
She is barely going to even try to pay me child support and she is going to get away with it too because the court can't look at Erics information, they won't look at who is paying her car payment and insurance, or who paid for her lawyer and her $900 flight up for the hearing. They won't look at who bought an entire bedroom full of new stuff including a 32" widescreen LCD TV, they won't look at who bought two brand new in car DVD players for the kids. All the court will look at is exactly what she wants them to look at, she is manipulating what they see, even though it is obvious she won't even be paying for the daycare. GOD I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM.
She is going to pay me just over half the ordered Child Support per month and not even address the $2000 she already owes me until mid august at the earliest, and she is trying to hold out on that until mid september in hopes that she will win custody and not have to pay it.
She hasn't financially or emotionally supported our kids in over a year and now she is going to use them and this daycare she can barely afford as an excuse to continue not supporting them.
I am doing 1000 times better with money than I ever have before and I still have none, I still can't pay the filing fee for divorce, the fee to the Guardian Ad Litem or the daycare I owe in garfield. I even had to get behind on my car payment just to drive the kids down to Utah to meet Nicole.
I guess I shouldn't do anything for myself anymore, I can't afford it. I guess I should be the only one to make a freaking sacrifice for our kids.
Im FURIOUS.
Im done.
She is barely going to even try to pay me child support and she is going to get away with it too because the court can't look at Erics information, they won't look at who is paying her car payment and insurance, or who paid for her lawyer and her $900 flight up for the hearing. They won't look at who bought an entire bedroom full of new stuff including a 32" widescreen LCD TV, they won't look at who bought two brand new in car DVD players for the kids. All the court will look at is exactly what she wants them to look at, she is manipulating what they see, even though it is obvious she won't even be paying for the daycare. GOD I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM.
She is going to pay me just over half the ordered Child Support per month and not even address the $2000 she already owes me until mid august at the earliest, and she is trying to hold out on that until mid september in hopes that she will win custody and not have to pay it.
She hasn't financially or emotionally supported our kids in over a year and now she is going to use them and this daycare she can barely afford as an excuse to continue not supporting them.
I am doing 1000 times better with money than I ever have before and I still have none, I still can't pay the filing fee for divorce, the fee to the Guardian Ad Litem or the daycare I owe in garfield. I even had to get behind on my car payment just to drive the kids down to Utah to meet Nicole.
I guess I shouldn't do anything for myself anymore, I can't afford it. I guess I should be the only one to make a freaking sacrifice for our kids.
Im FURIOUS.
Im done.
Not Sure
My desire to find my Brother and Sister is genuine, but trusted sources advise that it may not be the best time in my life or theirs. I can definitely see it from that perspective, but at the same time, if I were to wait until they were both adults, I would be nearly 30.
What I am going to do is leave the avenues of communication wide open, I am very easy to find online. I will still look into finding them in the virtual world and will try to reach out to them that way, but to a certain extent they may not be ready to find me. So I will keep my hand extended and in time, perhaps they will extend theirs as well.
I find it very easy for meloncholy to take hold these days, I had never felt quite so much stress before and even now that most of it has dissapated, I find it's effects from the last few months still haunt me. Once at work, before the hearing, it had gotten to me finally in a very real way, I was crying, but I wasn't crying. I could stand right in front of you and talk to you normally, but I had tears rolling down my face, it was like the stress in the days before my victory had put me into a state of shock. Fortunatly things got much better after that.
As sad as I am that the kids are gone, things are really starting to come together. One little victory leads to the next and so on.
Working out is going well, Im not going quite as often as I planned, but I will pick up steam and make it a habit. It feels great to be exercising again.
What I am going to do is leave the avenues of communication wide open, I am very easy to find online. I will still look into finding them in the virtual world and will try to reach out to them that way, but to a certain extent they may not be ready to find me. So I will keep my hand extended and in time, perhaps they will extend theirs as well.
I find it very easy for meloncholy to take hold these days, I had never felt quite so much stress before and even now that most of it has dissapated, I find it's effects from the last few months still haunt me. Once at work, before the hearing, it had gotten to me finally in a very real way, I was crying, but I wasn't crying. I could stand right in front of you and talk to you normally, but I had tears rolling down my face, it was like the stress in the days before my victory had put me into a state of shock. Fortunatly things got much better after that.
As sad as I am that the kids are gone, things are really starting to come together. One little victory leads to the next and so on.
Working out is going well, Im not going quite as often as I planned, but I will pick up steam and make it a habit. It feels great to be exercising again.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The Search Continues
I think my brother Kyle is on MySpace, his account is set to private and only people on his friend's list can send him messages. So that didn't help too much, I did send a friend request, but it made me question just how much my brother might know about me. He and I have only met face to face one time, and I doubt very much he remembers it. He was 1 and I think I was about 13 or so. We spoke on the phone briefly a couple years ago, I imagine he was probably 12 at the time. He knows I exist, and he probably remembers my name, at least my first name. I don't know if I emailed them any pictures or not, so I doubt he knows what I look like.
Anyway, I could end this really quick. It is not very hard to find my dad online and as long as the information is current, then I have his address and phone number. I am hesitant about this though, I would like to meet my dad again, possibly know him, but that feels complicated to me. Part of me would feel more comfortable talking to my brother and sister's mother Lisa and getting in touch with them through her. I've met her on two occasions, the first time I was probably 9 or 10 years old, not sure exactly, maybe a little younger. I feintly remember that she was pregnant with Shawna at the time. Then we met again when I came to visit at the age of 13, Shawna was 4 and Kyle was 1. She gave me some Piers Anthony books which I still have, they were very good and I went on to read some of his other work as well.
Anyway, the point is, I am not sure if I want to reach out to my dad. The word that comes to mind, and I already said it above, is hesitation. I am not sure I am comfortable with that situation, I feel that if he wanted to be a part of my life, as a child or as an adult, he would be already. That doesn't mean its not still an option, but that is not my concern right now.
Right now, what I am concerned with is my siblings. I am an only child, or that is how I have been raised at least. But in the context of the bigger picture, I do have two siblings and as the eldest and as an adult, I feel as though I have already missed too many opprotunities to bring us together. I can't be cheesy and say that I want us to be 'a family', but I want us to know each other and really start to communicate and stay in touch, maybe get together on occasion. This at the very least.
Then again, perhaps I am taking too much onto my plate right now. This is the summer of change for me, last summer was hell and really the precursor to what is coming. A new life is ahead of me, a great life. Right now I am in the middle of a divorce and I just recently won a great victory towards being the primary caretaker of my children. I've started a new job and I am turning myself around financially, I have yet to gain my own two feet though. I have so many worries that at times I feel as though I am going to collapse under it all. Sometimes I feel as though I can handle anything, it is those times that I am most weakest though. I am strongest when I feel beaten, down trodden and question myself. Those are the times when I find my true self buried beneath the depths, those are the times that I stand up and shake my fist at the sky and yell with all of my heart and soul that I will never give up, I will never give in. It is in those times that I inspire myself to take steps foreward, those are the times that I trudge across 10 miles from work to home out of pure stubborness. As defeated as I feel at times, it is my stubborn resistance to actual defeat which defines me. Though I have heard from at least 2 people lately that I can be annoying at times :-P.
In other words, even with so much going on already, this feels like the right time to finally get in touch, and stay in touch with my brother and sister. It is important to me, and I feel it is a dis-service to all involved if I put it off any longer.
Also, on an entirely unrelared topic, I just watched the season finale of the sopranos (Season 1), awesome! :-) Ill watch the rest of Season 1 of Dead Like Me tonight probably.
Anyway, I could end this really quick. It is not very hard to find my dad online and as long as the information is current, then I have his address and phone number. I am hesitant about this though, I would like to meet my dad again, possibly know him, but that feels complicated to me. Part of me would feel more comfortable talking to my brother and sister's mother Lisa and getting in touch with them through her. I've met her on two occasions, the first time I was probably 9 or 10 years old, not sure exactly, maybe a little younger. I feintly remember that she was pregnant with Shawna at the time. Then we met again when I came to visit at the age of 13, Shawna was 4 and Kyle was 1. She gave me some Piers Anthony books which I still have, they were very good and I went on to read some of his other work as well.
Anyway, the point is, I am not sure if I want to reach out to my dad. The word that comes to mind, and I already said it above, is hesitation. I am not sure I am comfortable with that situation, I feel that if he wanted to be a part of my life, as a child or as an adult, he would be already. That doesn't mean its not still an option, but that is not my concern right now.
Right now, what I am concerned with is my siblings. I am an only child, or that is how I have been raised at least. But in the context of the bigger picture, I do have two siblings and as the eldest and as an adult, I feel as though I have already missed too many opprotunities to bring us together. I can't be cheesy and say that I want us to be 'a family', but I want us to know each other and really start to communicate and stay in touch, maybe get together on occasion. This at the very least.
Then again, perhaps I am taking too much onto my plate right now. This is the summer of change for me, last summer was hell and really the precursor to what is coming. A new life is ahead of me, a great life. Right now I am in the middle of a divorce and I just recently won a great victory towards being the primary caretaker of my children. I've started a new job and I am turning myself around financially, I have yet to gain my own two feet though. I have so many worries that at times I feel as though I am going to collapse under it all. Sometimes I feel as though I can handle anything, it is those times that I am most weakest though. I am strongest when I feel beaten, down trodden and question myself. Those are the times when I find my true self buried beneath the depths, those are the times that I stand up and shake my fist at the sky and yell with all of my heart and soul that I will never give up, I will never give in. It is in those times that I inspire myself to take steps foreward, those are the times that I trudge across 10 miles from work to home out of pure stubborness. As defeated as I feel at times, it is my stubborn resistance to actual defeat which defines me. Though I have heard from at least 2 people lately that I can be annoying at times :-P.
In other words, even with so much going on already, this feels like the right time to finally get in touch, and stay in touch with my brother and sister. It is important to me, and I feel it is a dis-service to all involved if I put it off any longer.
Also, on an entirely unrelared topic, I just watched the season finale of the sopranos (Season 1), awesome! :-) Ill watch the rest of Season 1 of Dead Like Me tonight probably.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
I have a Brother and a Sister Out There
Ok, it's Father's Day today. I have had a really hard week adjusting to the fact that my kids are not with me. I think it will get easier, but part of me feels bad thinking that.
I have a webcam and we are going to try to talk over it today, so hopefully I will 'see' them this afternoon. We are going to try to make it a regular thing. We tested it out with Nicole while the boys were up here, but only for 1 weekend, with the boys leaving, our weekends got so busy visiting people.
While thinking about my boys today I got to thinking about all the family that I do have, but then I started thinking about the family that I don't have. Somewhere out there I have a father, I've been in contact with him only a few times in my life and I would like to get into better contact with him now that I am an adult. When I was a kid, not having a father around was hard, in fact I was just teasing my Mom, My Grandma and My Great Grandma about how much I LOVED being raised by a bunch of ladies (I can be pretty damned sarcastic, it was right after My Mom and My Grandma schooled my Great Grandma and I at a card game).
If my Dad had wanted to be in my life, he would have been, it took me a long time to come to terms with that, and I have been told from multiple sources that they believe my daddy issues are what make me so determined to be the best damned father I can be. I think that is true, and I wouldn't change a thing about my life. But now that I am an adult with a family of my own.. I don't know.
Anyway, the focus of my thoughts on the family that I don't have was really on two people. I have a brother and a sister. No, I have a Brother and a Sister. I want to know them, and I want them to be in my life and me to be in theirs. Wow, I had not thought about it like this yet, but my kids have another Aunt and Uncle. Wow, that blows my mind.
I can't be entirely sure about this, but I think I was 13 when I met my sister and brother, Shawna was 4 I believe and Kyle was only 1. Which I think would make Shawna 17 or 18 now (wow) and Kyle 14 or so. I got into contact with them, and my dad, a couple years ago. I think its safe to say that my life quickly went spinning out of control, but things are calming down now and I want to try again. Maybe this time we can get together in person.
So, if you guys are interested in possibly talking to your older brother, I'm looking for ya :-). Shawna and Kyle, my Sister and Brother.
I have a webcam and we are going to try to talk over it today, so hopefully I will 'see' them this afternoon. We are going to try to make it a regular thing. We tested it out with Nicole while the boys were up here, but only for 1 weekend, with the boys leaving, our weekends got so busy visiting people.
While thinking about my boys today I got to thinking about all the family that I do have, but then I started thinking about the family that I don't have. Somewhere out there I have a father, I've been in contact with him only a few times in my life and I would like to get into better contact with him now that I am an adult. When I was a kid, not having a father around was hard, in fact I was just teasing my Mom, My Grandma and My Great Grandma about how much I LOVED being raised by a bunch of ladies (I can be pretty damned sarcastic, it was right after My Mom and My Grandma schooled my Great Grandma and I at a card game).
If my Dad had wanted to be in my life, he would have been, it took me a long time to come to terms with that, and I have been told from multiple sources that they believe my daddy issues are what make me so determined to be the best damned father I can be. I think that is true, and I wouldn't change a thing about my life. But now that I am an adult with a family of my own.. I don't know.
Anyway, the focus of my thoughts on the family that I don't have was really on two people. I have a brother and a sister. No, I have a Brother and a Sister. I want to know them, and I want them to be in my life and me to be in theirs. Wow, I had not thought about it like this yet, but my kids have another Aunt and Uncle. Wow, that blows my mind.
I can't be entirely sure about this, but I think I was 13 when I met my sister and brother, Shawna was 4 I believe and Kyle was only 1. Which I think would make Shawna 17 or 18 now (wow) and Kyle 14 or so. I got into contact with them, and my dad, a couple years ago. I think its safe to say that my life quickly went spinning out of control, but things are calming down now and I want to try again. Maybe this time we can get together in person.
So, if you guys are interested in possibly talking to your older brother, I'm looking for ya :-). Shawna and Kyle, my Sister and Brother.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Major Relief
Well, after 5 weeks of them putting it off, the child support order is finally in place.
It dates back to April of this year, she owes me a certain amount per month plus 57% of my long distance travel and daycare costs. On the flipside I will owe her 43% of long distance travel and daycare costs.
On a side note, Nicole told her lawyer she still wants to fight for primary custody. He told her, and my lawyer that he would do it, but that it would cost a lot of money, and even then, he still thinks she would lose and all that money would be wasted. She would also be wasting my money as well. But its good to hear that her lawyer sees things the same way my lawyer does. :-D
It dates back to April of this year, she owes me a certain amount per month plus 57% of my long distance travel and daycare costs. On the flipside I will owe her 43% of long distance travel and daycare costs.
On a side note, Nicole told her lawyer she still wants to fight for primary custody. He told her, and my lawyer that he would do it, but that it would cost a lot of money, and even then, he still thinks she would lose and all that money would be wasted. She would also be wasting my money as well. But its good to hear that her lawyer sees things the same way my lawyer does. :-D
Thursday, June 14, 2007
I AM GOING TO SCREAM
SCREEAAAAMMMMM
After OVER A MONTH of nothing happening with this Child Support stuff, her lawyer finally wants to submit 'new' information, strangly skewed information that is bizzare that will make her child support payment less. This is only possible if she starts working part time, which if she did so that she pays less, talk about underhandedness. Trying to get out of helping support her children financially... I am turning red, I am going to explode...
I am locked up here in my lonely prison while she has the boys for 8 weeks. Russ wanted me to try dating a little, but I don't see how that is going to be possible when I announce that Congress has decided to declare full scale war on my 'Wife'. Her lawyer is such a pompous little b****.
I waited a long time to file for divorce, mostly out of fear for the process. But in every situation involving the boys or a serious conversation between Nicole and I, my way was always to go at it head on and take care of the problem before it is a problem for the kids too (like the name issue now), her way has always been to tell me we would 'talk about it later' (which women seem to like to say to me) and then avoid the subject unless I brought it up again. She would 'do' something or 'look up' something and tell me the result. Then the result would be a fucking joke and would be evidence enough that she didnt look up or do anything, she just waited 4 weeks and then said she did.
Now she has the boys and her lawyer is already trying to pull some shit. If she quits her job or works less just to avoud paying me child support, than she 'would' lose any respect for her that I have left, fortunatly for her, I don't respect her at all now. And damnit, I've earned that right. I may have said some mean things to her out of anger, but those are words. She has fucked with me for over a year, screwed me over for her own gain, dishonored and disrepected me. Worst of all, she destroyed our family and has tried to take my kids away from me. I am done with that, she wants to fucking play games with me, I am the god damn game master and its time for me to get back to the top of my game. Always showing my feelings and stuff, all it did was get me into trouble...
ok, between the last paragraph and now I have calmed down a little bit, I just got to talk to the boys and they are doing alright. I miss them so much. :-(
PS: This blog was harsh, its set up so only my friends can see it for a reason.
After OVER A MONTH of nothing happening with this Child Support stuff, her lawyer finally wants to submit 'new' information, strangly skewed information that is bizzare that will make her child support payment less. This is only possible if she starts working part time, which if she did so that she pays less, talk about underhandedness. Trying to get out of helping support her children financially... I am turning red, I am going to explode...
I am locked up here in my lonely prison while she has the boys for 8 weeks. Russ wanted me to try dating a little, but I don't see how that is going to be possible when I announce that Congress has decided to declare full scale war on my 'Wife'. Her lawyer is such a pompous little b****.
I waited a long time to file for divorce, mostly out of fear for the process. But in every situation involving the boys or a serious conversation between Nicole and I, my way was always to go at it head on and take care of the problem before it is a problem for the kids too (like the name issue now), her way has always been to tell me we would 'talk about it later' (which women seem to like to say to me) and then avoid the subject unless I brought it up again. She would 'do' something or 'look up' something and tell me the result. Then the result would be a fucking joke and would be evidence enough that she didnt look up or do anything, she just waited 4 weeks and then said she did.
Now she has the boys and her lawyer is already trying to pull some shit. If she quits her job or works less just to avoud paying me child support, than she 'would' lose any respect for her that I have left, fortunatly for her, I don't respect her at all now. And damnit, I've earned that right. I may have said some mean things to her out of anger, but those are words. She has fucked with me for over a year, screwed me over for her own gain, dishonored and disrepected me. Worst of all, she destroyed our family and has tried to take my kids away from me. I am done with that, she wants to fucking play games with me, I am the god damn game master and its time for me to get back to the top of my game. Always showing my feelings and stuff, all it did was get me into trouble...
ok, between the last paragraph and now I have calmed down a little bit, I just got to talk to the boys and they are doing alright. I miss them so much. :-(
PS: This blog was harsh, its set up so only my friends can see it for a reason.
My Hero
I was feeling kind of frisky earlier tonight, had some fun at work and everything. Then, driving home, I was listening to one of my CDs, the Foo Fighters song 'My Hero' came on. Its one of the latest song's that they have been asking to listen to a lot lately.
I could not have so suddenly felt their absence more...
I could not have so suddenly felt their absence more...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Its starting to set in...
Sunday... Monday... Tuesday... Now today? No children. I miss them more with each day that passes, how is this supposed to get easier in time, it feels as though it will only get worse.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Restless
I didn't want to come home tonight. My kids aren't here anymore, they are 1500 miles away from me. I feel like my heart was ripped from my chest and then shipped off to another world.
I don't hear my little boy Tristan snoring in their room, I haven't heard the pitter patter of tiny feet rushing off to the restroom in the middle of the night. I looked into their empty beds, my children are gone...
How much trust is a man supposed to have, how much? How much can I have? They're my children, and this situation, this risk that they have to be placed under.. I've been told a lot lately that I am too controlling, too 'bull-headed' as it was put. Sure, I understand. I am responsible for the well being of my children and their futures no matter where they are or who they are with. Yet despite that, I have no choice but to throw them to the wolves in this situation. Send them to Phoenix where their mother is going to work against how I raise them, send them to Phoenix where Nicole going to spoil them and try to buy their love, send them to Phoenix where I can't protect them, or remind them how to protect them selves.
God I miss my boys. Nicole hasn't even bothered to tell me how thier first full day went, and how their new daycare was. She never bothered to call me back, despite the message I left or the 3 other calls I made. I am not going to try to talk to the kids as much as she did, but I expect her to be an adult and let me know how things are going. They are my freakin children for christ sake, I have already asked her more questions and shown more concern for my boys in the last 3 days then she has shown them in the last year. Why do I have to give them to her, she is nothing but an emotional vulture and she will only cause them pain. She is a good person and loves the boys so much, but she has too many issues, she hasn't shown even the slightest capability in putting them before herself, she has chosen herself first every time. I can't have that, i cant allow it. But I have no choice, why though? Why don't I have a choice? Why should I have to comprimose when the stakes are so High? AHHHGHGHHGHGH I just want to howl at the fucking moon!? I could do this all night.
Ok Ok, I admit it, I am bull-headed, but just a little ;-)
I miss them so much, and I am so worried about them. They are such good boys. Why do their beds have to be so empty? I came home and didn't see any clothes lying across the floor in a trail, no toys had moved, no new drawings on the fridge. I hear no laughter, I comfort no tears, there are no questions for me to answer. They are really gone. I just want to hold them, hug them and kiss them, tell them how much I love them.
Well, I laid out the trip as I thought it would be and now its time to tell you how it was. I got off work Friday night at 11pm, got home by midnight (got gas and some energy drinks first), I got home and I could barely sleep (no no, the energy drinks were for the morning, I hadn't had any yet). I think I got maybe 2 hours of sleep tops before my alarm went off at 5am. So when my 2nd alarm went off at 5:30 I got up and finished getting ready to go. The boys and I left the house by 6am. We drove up to CDA to pick up Russ and we left his place by 8:15am or so.
Montana was freakin beautiful, we could't even believe how amazing it was. I hadn't been through Montana at all yet, so that's one more state I have been to lol. The boys had a rough time, we made frequent stops and let the boys play for a bit when we stopped for lunch and one other time. It was kind of uncanny, Nicole arrived at the McDonalds in Salt Lake City just 10 min. before we arrived there, we both left our houses at about the same time and made different stops and so on and somehow managed to arrive dead center at the same time. Crazy.
It was so hard, I didn't want to give them to her. But I didn't have a choice, although I should have had one (whoa now, can't get back on that subject, reference bull-headedness in the above paragraphs).
The trip back home sucked, we decided to try and just head strait back and nether of us were in the shape for it. Esspecially me, with barely any sleep and having just given my children back to their mother, I was totally f'ed up. We ended up stopping and sleeping sporadically, but we still got back to his place in CDA by 9am Sunday morning. 25 hour drive, not too bad. I spent a bit less on gas than I had budgeted for, which is good.
I think I said this in a previous entry, but my friend Russ's loan came through and he will own his own business as of.. well, right now I guess. We'll just say that when he unlocks the doors later today, it will be the beginning of a new chapter in his life and his families. Anyway, the reason I bring it up again is because he and I went out drinking Sunday night, we went with his friend Bob (the guy he is buying the store from) and Bob's friend Monty. It was a good night, I got a little drunk, but not too much. I made the mistake of having Tequila again, I almost gagged, after the last time I think I need a break from that drink. This guy Monty was really cool, hand't met a guy as cool as him for awhile. He paid me some great compliments and I hope that I deserve them, I hope that I can live up to them.
I do things, and I make choices and people don't always seem to understand where I am coming from. I am a severe procrasinator, no denying that, but I will get done what needs to get done. People are shocked when I tell them that I had breakfast with my Ex and her boyfriend just to help my kids feel more comfortable with the new situation. People think I am crazy at first when I talk about how Nicole's boyfriend needs to be a good person, and how i hope he will be a good influence on the boys. As much as I want to hate him, I have no choices, so I figure, he better be a good guy and he better be good to my kids. Those are just two examples. My best friend constantly damns me for how strictly I try to adhere to a set of principles that he thinks are stange and severly outdated.
Jadon and Tristan had been there only half a day when I talked to them Sunday afternoon. They seemed happy and safe, but it about broke my heart when Jadon asked me when I am going to be picking them up... :-(
I have a lot more to say, but I am going to save it. I am very tired and need to sleep a bit. Got to get up early and meet up with an old friend of mine, then hopefully get to the Rec Center and get about an hours worth of time in. Need some rest for that!
I don't hear my little boy Tristan snoring in their room, I haven't heard the pitter patter of tiny feet rushing off to the restroom in the middle of the night. I looked into their empty beds, my children are gone...
How much trust is a man supposed to have, how much? How much can I have? They're my children, and this situation, this risk that they have to be placed under.. I've been told a lot lately that I am too controlling, too 'bull-headed' as it was put. Sure, I understand. I am responsible for the well being of my children and their futures no matter where they are or who they are with. Yet despite that, I have no choice but to throw them to the wolves in this situation. Send them to Phoenix where their mother is going to work against how I raise them, send them to Phoenix where Nicole going to spoil them and try to buy their love, send them to Phoenix where I can't protect them, or remind them how to protect them selves.
God I miss my boys. Nicole hasn't even bothered to tell me how thier first full day went, and how their new daycare was. She never bothered to call me back, despite the message I left or the 3 other calls I made. I am not going to try to talk to the kids as much as she did, but I expect her to be an adult and let me know how things are going. They are my freakin children for christ sake, I have already asked her more questions and shown more concern for my boys in the last 3 days then she has shown them in the last year. Why do I have to give them to her, she is nothing but an emotional vulture and she will only cause them pain. She is a good person and loves the boys so much, but she has too many issues, she hasn't shown even the slightest capability in putting them before herself, she has chosen herself first every time. I can't have that, i cant allow it. But I have no choice, why though? Why don't I have a choice? Why should I have to comprimose when the stakes are so High? AHHHGHGHHGHGH I just want to howl at the fucking moon!? I could do this all night.
Ok Ok, I admit it, I am bull-headed, but just a little ;-)
I miss them so much, and I am so worried about them. They are such good boys. Why do their beds have to be so empty? I came home and didn't see any clothes lying across the floor in a trail, no toys had moved, no new drawings on the fridge. I hear no laughter, I comfort no tears, there are no questions for me to answer. They are really gone. I just want to hold them, hug them and kiss them, tell them how much I love them.
Well, I laid out the trip as I thought it would be and now its time to tell you how it was. I got off work Friday night at 11pm, got home by midnight (got gas and some energy drinks first), I got home and I could barely sleep (no no, the energy drinks were for the morning, I hadn't had any yet). I think I got maybe 2 hours of sleep tops before my alarm went off at 5am. So when my 2nd alarm went off at 5:30 I got up and finished getting ready to go. The boys and I left the house by 6am. We drove up to CDA to pick up Russ and we left his place by 8:15am or so.
Montana was freakin beautiful, we could't even believe how amazing it was. I hadn't been through Montana at all yet, so that's one more state I have been to lol. The boys had a rough time, we made frequent stops and let the boys play for a bit when we stopped for lunch and one other time. It was kind of uncanny, Nicole arrived at the McDonalds in Salt Lake City just 10 min. before we arrived there, we both left our houses at about the same time and made different stops and so on and somehow managed to arrive dead center at the same time. Crazy.
It was so hard, I didn't want to give them to her. But I didn't have a choice, although I should have had one (whoa now, can't get back on that subject, reference bull-headedness in the above paragraphs).
The trip back home sucked, we decided to try and just head strait back and nether of us were in the shape for it. Esspecially me, with barely any sleep and having just given my children back to their mother, I was totally f'ed up. We ended up stopping and sleeping sporadically, but we still got back to his place in CDA by 9am Sunday morning. 25 hour drive, not too bad. I spent a bit less on gas than I had budgeted for, which is good.
I think I said this in a previous entry, but my friend Russ's loan came through and he will own his own business as of.. well, right now I guess. We'll just say that when he unlocks the doors later today, it will be the beginning of a new chapter in his life and his families. Anyway, the reason I bring it up again is because he and I went out drinking Sunday night, we went with his friend Bob (the guy he is buying the store from) and Bob's friend Monty. It was a good night, I got a little drunk, but not too much. I made the mistake of having Tequila again, I almost gagged, after the last time I think I need a break from that drink. This guy Monty was really cool, hand't met a guy as cool as him for awhile. He paid me some great compliments and I hope that I deserve them, I hope that I can live up to them.
I do things, and I make choices and people don't always seem to understand where I am coming from. I am a severe procrasinator, no denying that, but I will get done what needs to get done. People are shocked when I tell them that I had breakfast with my Ex and her boyfriend just to help my kids feel more comfortable with the new situation. People think I am crazy at first when I talk about how Nicole's boyfriend needs to be a good person, and how i hope he will be a good influence on the boys. As much as I want to hate him, I have no choices, so I figure, he better be a good guy and he better be good to my kids. Those are just two examples. My best friend constantly damns me for how strictly I try to adhere to a set of principles that he thinks are stange and severly outdated.
Jadon and Tristan had been there only half a day when I talked to them Sunday afternoon. They seemed happy and safe, but it about broke my heart when Jadon asked me when I am going to be picking them up... :-(
I have a lot more to say, but I am going to save it. I am very tired and need to sleep a bit. Got to get up early and meet up with an old friend of mine, then hopefully get to the Rec Center and get about an hours worth of time in. Need some rest for that!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Weekend
So I got the first disc of Entourage and Dead Like Me from Netflix. Both were awesome. I was a little dissapointed with Disc 1 of Dead Like Me though, since I am renting them 1 disc at a time, only have 1 episode on the first disc was kind of a lame move.
Dead Like Me was cool, I really liked it and I think I will like the rest of the show too. When Im done with it I am going to check out another show by the same guy called Wonderfalls, it also looked interesting.
Entourage was awesome, is the first season really only 8 episodes!? Well I guess I am halfway done then lol. Disc 1 of the Sopranos is on its way too, I think that show will blow me away, its right up my alley... Im a Gangster after all :-L
I am going to watch Pan's Labyrinth, maybe tonight, but probably not until Monday night. I have a busy busy weekend ahead, starting friday morning.
I need to wake up early and I am going to drive up and hopefully be to Coeur d'Alene by 10 or 10:30, then by noon Russ and I will go pick up the rental car for our road trip. Then I will head back down here and work, probably until midnight, but hopefully only 11. Then I need to wake up early enough to get up to CDA AGAIN but this time by 7:30 or so, so that we can leave by 8. Mapquest says the trip is a 10 hour drive, but Ive heard that its more like 12 hours.
So hopefully we will meet Nicole between 6pm and 8pm Saturday night. Then we will decide if we want to sleep a couple hours in the car, or rotate driving and sleeping and get home as soon as we can. I am going to stay up in CDA Sunday night and probably get a little tipsy, Russ got his loan and will officially own the store starting Tuesday I believe, so we will celebrate that a little bit. Then I will return the car Monday morning and drive down here in time to exercise at the rec center for an hour, shower and then get to work.
yeah, busy busy. But I think that is what I am going to try to do, get things taken care of, keep myself busy. Its going to be hard not having the boys around, but Ill just have to get through it, Ive been told it will get easier over time. I hope I find a new Tennis Partner soon, I really want to try out the new courts, they are P-I-M-P.
Out
Dead Like Me was cool, I really liked it and I think I will like the rest of the show too. When Im done with it I am going to check out another show by the same guy called Wonderfalls, it also looked interesting.
Entourage was awesome, is the first season really only 8 episodes!? Well I guess I am halfway done then lol. Disc 1 of the Sopranos is on its way too, I think that show will blow me away, its right up my alley... Im a Gangster after all :-L
I am going to watch Pan's Labyrinth, maybe tonight, but probably not until Monday night. I have a busy busy weekend ahead, starting friday morning.
I need to wake up early and I am going to drive up and hopefully be to Coeur d'Alene by 10 or 10:30, then by noon Russ and I will go pick up the rental car for our road trip. Then I will head back down here and work, probably until midnight, but hopefully only 11. Then I need to wake up early enough to get up to CDA AGAIN but this time by 7:30 or so, so that we can leave by 8. Mapquest says the trip is a 10 hour drive, but Ive heard that its more like 12 hours.
So hopefully we will meet Nicole between 6pm and 8pm Saturday night. Then we will decide if we want to sleep a couple hours in the car, or rotate driving and sleeping and get home as soon as we can. I am going to stay up in CDA Sunday night and probably get a little tipsy, Russ got his loan and will officially own the store starting Tuesday I believe, so we will celebrate that a little bit. Then I will return the car Monday morning and drive down here in time to exercise at the rec center for an hour, shower and then get to work.
yeah, busy busy. But I think that is what I am going to try to do, get things taken care of, keep myself busy. Its going to be hard not having the boys around, but Ill just have to get through it, Ive been told it will get easier over time. I hope I find a new Tennis Partner soon, I really want to try out the new courts, they are P-I-M-P.
Out
Monday, June 4, 2007
Feelings
Some things really hit me hard today. I was strong, I didn't let my family see it. My Grandma and Grandpa, Great Grandma, Cousins and My Uncle all saying bye to my kids. They will see them again in a few months, ofcourse. But it was still very sad to see. The kids are super excited about going though, and I do my best to show them that I am on board with this plan so that they hopefully feel that I am secure about it.
I can't believe how fricken hot it was today, 101 degrees while we were all having a picnic down in Lewiston. It was fine though, the kids had lots of fun and the three of us ended up having a big water fight with bottles of water. :-)
I was teaching them how to whistle the national anthem earlier today, lol, it was super cute.
My Great Grandma and I played Pinocle against my Grandma and Mom, 2 games. We got our butts kicked both times!
We took a bunch of pictures of the kids today, Ill hopefully get them edited and up online tonight!
Im going to start up Netflix again, decided I will watch a few movies, but mostly focus on some TV Series, 3 or 4 of them problably, should keep me busy while the kids are gone. There are 5 I am looking at, I want to narrow the list down to 3 or 4:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Dead Like Me
3. Entourage
4. The Shield
5. The Sopranos
Ill figure it out sometime this week.
My friend moved away, I feel like I was kind of short with her the last time I contacted her and I hope it didn't hurt her feelings. I wish she was here so that we could hang out and play some tennis, talk about things.
But some things just aren't meant to be I guess. :-(
I can't believe how fricken hot it was today, 101 degrees while we were all having a picnic down in Lewiston. It was fine though, the kids had lots of fun and the three of us ended up having a big water fight with bottles of water. :-)
I was teaching them how to whistle the national anthem earlier today, lol, it was super cute.
My Great Grandma and I played Pinocle against my Grandma and Mom, 2 games. We got our butts kicked both times!
We took a bunch of pictures of the kids today, Ill hopefully get them edited and up online tonight!
Im going to start up Netflix again, decided I will watch a few movies, but mostly focus on some TV Series, 3 or 4 of them problably, should keep me busy while the kids are gone. There are 5 I am looking at, I want to narrow the list down to 3 or 4:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Dead Like Me
3. Entourage
4. The Shield
5. The Sopranos
Ill figure it out sometime this week.
My friend moved away, I feel like I was kind of short with her the last time I contacted her and I hope it didn't hurt her feelings. I wish she was here so that we could hang out and play some tennis, talk about things.
But some things just aren't meant to be I guess. :-(
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Stuff to Chew On
Chinese Food is Awesome.
Ok, so for Friday Lunch at SEL today we had Chinese (if you didn't get my subtle hint on the first line). It was so freakin awesome, they don't have any of the hot stuff though (they do have a good hot sauce which I like). Almond Chicken, Sesame Chicken, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Fried rice with Shrimp and Pork and Chicken all mixed together, and some other stuff (oooh beef and broccoli mmmm). So I filled up my plate so much that it almost collapsed, I had to palm the bottom of it for more support. Then halfway through eating my food I broke my fork. My fortune was awesome, it was something along the lines of "Your Charms have brought the interest of a Secret Admirer", oh yeah WOO HOO! lol
I have the car I am taking to Salt Lake City reserved, it will be a Ford Fusion or something like that. Russ and I will be leaving with the boys on early Saturday morning (June 9th). :-( this is my last week with the boys, I won't get to play with them or go places with them or anything until August.
Oh the Humanity! I can feel my body wasting away now that I am not playing Tennis. Not really, but I crave it! Hopefully soon I will have access to the WSU Rec center, that may make up for it but I am on the look out for a new Tennis Partner (or two ;-) ). The picture on my CougarCard is Damn Sexy if you ask me.
I got freakin pissed at work today, I like my job and my co-workers a lot, but now that I have been there for a month and observed, its time for things to start changing. Though that may just be a problem I have, and believe me, I don't make any friends thinking like that. I have identified quite a list of things that I want to work on changing. My issue is probably not that I try to improve things, more that I start a crusade and attempt to thwart any attempts to stall or slow my advance towards ultimate victory... at work. :-P
I ate Pizza last night, Chinese today and I am about to eat Tacos, damn thats awesome. In a "Great, but not something I shouldn't do often" kind of a way.
Since I have the energy to write at the moment, I would like to take a second more of your time and talk about the 4 main shows I watched this last season.
Lost - This show started out with a very dissapointing pass and dry storyline, but picked up speed after an extended break. Most of the season ended up being great, and the ending really makes it look like the success of season 1 wasn't a fluke.
Smallville - God it takes a long time for Clark Kent to become Superman, they better freakin make him Superman before Lex Luthor leaves the show at the end of next season. This season was good, I esspecially like the other heroes that got involved (even a Justice League esque situation was going on) Green Arrow was definatly cool, far cooler than he has ever been in the Comics anyway. The show's Season Finale ended well, smallville makes for some serious cliffhangers each season though, and this one was huge.
Supernatural - I love this show more and more. They just finished the second season of it and there were some great episodes this year (and last). The two part finale was particularly good and really played off a lot of the stuff that happened throughout the season.
Heroes - This show is phenominal! I Love it and I can't wait for more. There is already a release date listed on Amazon for the DVD, which I will give blood to buy if I have to! But I will probably not have to do that :-D. I was suprised that the finale was only 1 hour long as opposed to 2, but it worked. I actually thought that the finale was a little lackluster, but it tied up the season really well. I think if anything, they need to work on their action sequences better, and add more of them. Out of the whole show there were two really big action sequences, one of them they cut away from and you don't get to actually see it and the other one was in the finale and was kind of exactly what you expect, but not quite as exciting as you would think. I still loved it and I wouldn't possibly be able to list all of the things I liked about the show.
Wan Wan Wan
So I will probably be signing up for Netflix soon, at least for while the boys are gone. Something to curb the boredom. There are some great movies comeing to DVD and Theater this summer and I plan to see them ALL :-P . Actually I may not go see any movies, I just feel so lonely when I go to one alone now. I will go see Transformers with Russ though.
I will also be starting to write my first novel while the kids are gone. I don't expect to be done with it by the time they get back, the point of me starting while they are gone is to get a good routine going that I can continue more easily once the boys come back.
Also, I will hopefully start going to the Rec center soon. I am going to try to go before work at least 5 days per week. Once I move to days I will do it after work though. And as a side note, if I had to pick any body I have seen to model mine after, it would be Edward Norton's from American History X. But without the Tattoos. Not that I am entirely opposed to Tattoos, but I just don't want a big Swastika on my chest. Now that I have seen 300 though... nah, I think Leonidas was too buff for me to become, the Spartans were freakin ripped.
Oh yeah, don't buy the new Linkin Park album, there are a couple of ok songs, but for the most part I think it sucks donkey balls.
FYI - I ran out of writable CDs, so I intend to fix that situation.
Ok, so this is a long one. I could keep going, but it is starting to feel forced. If I have more to say, I will write another blog.
Also, just to make this a bit longer, I would like to say that I am going to go make my tacos, after which, I will proceed by eating the tacos I just made. If you would like to have some interesting information that is informative, look at the book below that I am currently reading, notice that it was released on my 26th birthday. Just 6 more weeks and I will be 27!!! Whoa!
Its sad that my boys won't be with my for my birthday :-(, but at least I get them for Nicole's birthday as retaliation!! HAHAHA, actually its the same for our respective 'Days' I get them for Mothers day and she will probably get the for most fathers days (not sure when it is, I might get it next year).
Ok bye
Ok, so for Friday Lunch at SEL today we had Chinese (if you didn't get my subtle hint on the first line). It was so freakin awesome, they don't have any of the hot stuff though (they do have a good hot sauce which I like). Almond Chicken, Sesame Chicken, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Fried rice with Shrimp and Pork and Chicken all mixed together, and some other stuff (oooh beef and broccoli mmmm). So I filled up my plate so much that it almost collapsed, I had to palm the bottom of it for more support. Then halfway through eating my food I broke my fork. My fortune was awesome, it was something along the lines of "Your Charms have brought the interest of a Secret Admirer", oh yeah WOO HOO! lol
I have the car I am taking to Salt Lake City reserved, it will be a Ford Fusion or something like that. Russ and I will be leaving with the boys on early Saturday morning (June 9th). :-( this is my last week with the boys, I won't get to play with them or go places with them or anything until August.
Oh the Humanity! I can feel my body wasting away now that I am not playing Tennis. Not really, but I crave it! Hopefully soon I will have access to the WSU Rec center, that may make up for it but I am on the look out for a new Tennis Partner (or two ;-) ). The picture on my CougarCard is Damn Sexy if you ask me.
I got freakin pissed at work today, I like my job and my co-workers a lot, but now that I have been there for a month and observed, its time for things to start changing. Though that may just be a problem I have, and believe me, I don't make any friends thinking like that. I have identified quite a list of things that I want to work on changing. My issue is probably not that I try to improve things, more that I start a crusade and attempt to thwart any attempts to stall or slow my advance towards ultimate victory... at work. :-P
I ate Pizza last night, Chinese today and I am about to eat Tacos, damn thats awesome. In a "Great, but not something I shouldn't do often" kind of a way.
Since I have the energy to write at the moment, I would like to take a second more of your time and talk about the 4 main shows I watched this last season.
Lost - This show started out with a very dissapointing pass and dry storyline, but picked up speed after an extended break. Most of the season ended up being great, and the ending really makes it look like the success of season 1 wasn't a fluke.
Smallville - God it takes a long time for Clark Kent to become Superman, they better freakin make him Superman before Lex Luthor leaves the show at the end of next season. This season was good, I esspecially like the other heroes that got involved (even a Justice League esque situation was going on) Green Arrow was definatly cool, far cooler than he has ever been in the Comics anyway. The show's Season Finale ended well, smallville makes for some serious cliffhangers each season though, and this one was huge.
Supernatural - I love this show more and more. They just finished the second season of it and there were some great episodes this year (and last). The two part finale was particularly good and really played off a lot of the stuff that happened throughout the season.
Heroes - This show is phenominal! I Love it and I can't wait for more. There is already a release date listed on Amazon for the DVD, which I will give blood to buy if I have to! But I will probably not have to do that :-D. I was suprised that the finale was only 1 hour long as opposed to 2, but it worked. I actually thought that the finale was a little lackluster, but it tied up the season really well. I think if anything, they need to work on their action sequences better, and add more of them. Out of the whole show there were two really big action sequences, one of them they cut away from and you don't get to actually see it and the other one was in the finale and was kind of exactly what you expect, but not quite as exciting as you would think. I still loved it and I wouldn't possibly be able to list all of the things I liked about the show.
Wan Wan Wan
So I will probably be signing up for Netflix soon, at least for while the boys are gone. Something to curb the boredom. There are some great movies comeing to DVD and Theater this summer and I plan to see them ALL :-P . Actually I may not go see any movies, I just feel so lonely when I go to one alone now. I will go see Transformers with Russ though.
I will also be starting to write my first novel while the kids are gone. I don't expect to be done with it by the time they get back, the point of me starting while they are gone is to get a good routine going that I can continue more easily once the boys come back.
Also, I will hopefully start going to the Rec center soon. I am going to try to go before work at least 5 days per week. Once I move to days I will do it after work though. And as a side note, if I had to pick any body I have seen to model mine after, it would be Edward Norton's from American History X. But without the Tattoos. Not that I am entirely opposed to Tattoos, but I just don't want a big Swastika on my chest. Now that I have seen 300 though... nah, I think Leonidas was too buff for me to become, the Spartans were freakin ripped.
Oh yeah, don't buy the new Linkin Park album, there are a couple of ok songs, but for the most part I think it sucks donkey balls.
FYI - I ran out of writable CDs, so I intend to fix that situation.
Ok, so this is a long one. I could keep going, but it is starting to feel forced. If I have more to say, I will write another blog.
Also, just to make this a bit longer, I would like to say that I am going to go make my tacos, after which, I will proceed by eating the tacos I just made. If you would like to have some interesting information that is informative, look at the book below that I am currently reading, notice that it was released on my 26th birthday. Just 6 more weeks and I will be 27!!! Whoa!
Its sad that my boys won't be with my for my birthday :-(, but at least I get them for Nicole's birthday as retaliation!! HAHAHA, actually its the same for our respective 'Days' I get them for Mothers day and she will probably get the for most fathers days (not sure when it is, I might get it next year).
Ok bye
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