Moving Forward

I am sitting here at my computer reading the newest, the last, Harry Potter book. I am really enjoying it, and I really enjoyed the book I just finished, The Afghan Campaign by Steven Pressfield. A flurry of thoughts have distracted me from reading for now.

I would continue this blog by stating that I have had an interesting day. Though now that I am typing this I believe that I would be understating the situation. I have had an interesting, and eventful, 17 months.

I have been through many down times, some of which I thought I could not handle, some of which I felt would leave me broken and alone.

I have also experienced many 'up' times as well. I have been with my children, raising them, blossoming into the father I always wanted to be for them. I have spent a lot of good time with my family, and I have been able to spend time with new young cousins like Braydon, Malachi and the freshly born Gabriel.

Strangly, through the pain and happiness, I have experienced so much more of life than ever before.

If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I am in the midst of a fairly interesting custody battle. I am not going to re-explain everything that has happened so far, but to bring you up to date quickly: I have a temporary order in place that gives me primary custody of both my Children Jadon and Tristan.

Last week, just two weeks before I get them back for the school year to start, my ex-wife's new lawyer filed some fairly alarming new items. Essentially it was a move to dismiss the parenting plan that was in place on the grounds that the court did not actually have jurisdiction over my eldest son Jadon, who is not biologically mine. Under the circumstance that they succeeded, they submitted a proposal which would replace the parenting plan for Tristan, and keep the boys together in Phoenix until the trial in september.

My lawyer indicated to me that she felt this was just a last desperate attempt before the end. I very much hoped she was correct, I trust my lawyer very much, she has more than proven her abilities.

Today was the hearing, just 1 week before I am scheduled to get the kids back. With my friends and my lawyer all certain that things would go well, my confidence was high. As everything at work seemed to start going wrong from the moment we began though, I had a feeling deep in my gut that I couldn't shake. Waves of anxiety washed over me as time grew closer and closer to when I expected to hear the result of the hearing from my lawyer.

Finally during lunch I got a call from my lawyer, not only was everything fine and going according to plan, Nicole's lawyer had spoken with Beth afterwards. Beth said she has a lot of respect for this lawyer of Nicole's and she didn't understand how she could fight so vigerously for an argument Beth knew to be false. As they spoke, beth put in the possabilty of settling this outside of court now, and also the possability of Nicole agreeing to allow me to adopt Jadon officially, since that is a much more accepted and understood form of becoming a child's parent legally.

The best part is that Nicole's lawyer indicated to Beth that she felt this was the last possible attempt they could make.

I can deal with anything. I do mean anything. But the one thing I can't deal with, or have a hard time dealing with, is not knowing something. No matter what the result of today I would have been strong and able to deal with it, good or bad. But the wait, the not knowing, that is my weakness you could say. My friends who read this, you can see it in all things in my past, when faced with answers and facts I am suprisingly capable, but when faced with questions and the unknown...

I feel very good now, victory after victory in this custody issue has made me feel nearly bulletproof. This is not good, I can not get cocky, this is far from over. But not too far.

I am not sitting idle, I am moving forward with my new life. A life that I did not ask for, did not want. But a life that I now adore as my own and my childrens. I have lived far more in the last year and a half than in the whole rest of my life. It is time to live, to work, to teach, to play. It is time to raise my children.