Coming out of my Shell

This is never going to end
...
So I can't wait for it to any longer. Its time for me to stop hiding in my shell and get back out into the world.

It has been such a blessing to be able to come back home and have a warm, safe place to live during this dark chapter of my life. This has just been going on for far too long though.

My reasons for waiting are understandable, I would follow my children to the ends of the earth if neccessary, and I dont want to get tied up in some bogus lease if I suddenly have to find out that I need to move 1500 miles away.

I've lived here long enough though, I need a place of my own and I am going to be working hard in that direction starting after Christmas. As much of a blessing as this 'home' has been, it is not My home nor has it felt as such. My children are also ready to move, every week they ask me when we are getting our own place and the answer has always been after the trial.

Well I waited 12 months to file for Divorce. I was afraid of losing my children and at first had no legel precedence for keeping my son Jadon. As such, delay was my only option. Eventually things progressed to the point where it could no longer be avoided. Things have worked in my favor somewhat so far, we shall see after the hearing in 8 days.

But no, 12 months to file was nothing; my first trial date was set for August of this year, 5 months after I filed for divorce. At the last minute Nicole's lawyer tried some stuff to try to take Jadon out of the case, it failed but the Trial was then delayed to November (tommarow). Then, at the last minute Nicole's lawyer tried some stuff to try to take Jadon out of the case, it will hopefully fail, but either way it will further delay our Trial until at least February of 2008, 11 months after I filed, 23 months after Nicole left. And by that time Nicole will have only had the boys for 2 of the last 21 months.

Anyway, I am going to set some goals for myself on a move. Depending on when I plan for it to happen I will start setting a pre-determined amount of money away each paycheck based upon how much I anticipate it to cost (plus about $400-$500 extra just in case my over-estimate ends up being an under-estimate, because for those who know me, I always over-estimate on purpose).

Most importantly I need to figure out where I am going to live and when I am going to move there. My gut instinct, despite my current plan, is to plan a move in June of 2008 so that Jadon can finish out his year of kindergarten if I decide to move away from Pullman. But if I decide to move into or around Pullman than I believe I want my goal to be sometime near the end of February or beginning of March.

I need to talk to some people and figure out what is going on in other parts of my life as well to take that stuff into account.

Eventually once this is all over I may wish to move back over to the west side of the state. Once my divorce is final and things with the kids and I have stabalized. I enjoyed like the Bothell/Snohomish type area or maybe up North in Bellingham again.

The Spokane/Coeur d'Alene area is a possability as well, it would allow me to stay close enough to my family and friends to include them all in mine and my children's lives to the extent I want.

Sure, all these things seem to be after when my divorce may end in theory. But at the moment I have been planning on waiting until it was finalized to even consider a move. Even though I wouldnt actually make the move until after the divorce, I must move forward with purpose, I must move forward with the Life running through my veins that I have been so dearly fighting for.

I Love my children, and I will raise them. I feel confident that unless Nicole's lawyer finds some legal trick to utterly destroy the rights I should have for my children, then I believe the judge will side with me and grant my Primary custody.