MRI And The Infinite Sadness

God I love to explain my titles. I used to come up with such witty shit, today's title feels like a return to form for me. If you don't recognize it then you are a heathen! Greatest Smashing Pumpkins album of all time. I toyed with the idea of calling today's blog Bullet with MRI Wings, but it doesn't quite roll of the tongue the same. Besides as much as I love the song Bullet With Butterfly Wings, that's not even my favorite song on the album. That glorious honor goes to the song 1979 (note: when I went to type the title 1979 I found out to my chagrin that Num-Lock was not on, fucking world of warcraft always leaves my keyboard in disarray). If you haven't heard the song 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins in awhile (or ever, you heretic), take a moment to listen to it and then we'll meet again in the next paragraph.

.......

Well done good sir or lady (unless you didn't listen to it.... asshole).

Obviously there is something on my mind, as you can probably tell from the title I used and the shitty title that I had no intention of using (because it sucked, but hey, talking about it didn't suck so bad, did it?). Before I go on I would just like to note for you, the reader, that I have no idea why I feel the need to add incessant commentary to my own writing, it seems self serving (but I do find it to be hysterical). Back to whats been on my mind today: I don't really have anything to worry about, let me just say that up front; The odds of them finding something wrong are so low that I shouldn't even give it a second thought, but I am worried, that's what I do, I think about things too deeply (and use commas a lot, but hey, this isn't a fucking essay I have to turn in later, and I would feel no shame if it was).

Damn, I literally completely lost my train of thought.

I should state for the record that while I am fairly private when it comes to my sex life, I am not a private person in any other regard. For background on whats been happening, I've exhibited symptoms of potential low testosterone for a number of years. Running some tests back in 2009 and more tests this year, we discovered, in fact, that my testosterone and a number of other hormones my body is supposed to have in abundance, are low. With so many hormones being low, they want to check it at the source before they look into other options for correcting this. So on Monday I am going in for an MRI on my headal/brainal region (as the industry professionals would say). They are going to be specifically looking at any potential issues with my pituitary gland.

Like I said in one of the sentences above, the expectation is that we will find nothing and continue with some kind of run of the mill treatment. I don't have anything to worry about. Yet... I worry. Sometimes I'm fine, sometimes Im just so focused I'm not even thinking about it at all (thank you inventory discrepancies, what a welcome distraction [I totally forgot how to portray sarcasm properly in my writing, so, trust me, sarcasm in abundance with the inventory discrepancy comment]).

Wow, lost my train of thought again. Going off on barely related tangents is killer tonight. Writing at 2 am does that too a man I suppose. On the good side of things, Free Fallin by Tom Petty just started playing. All the vampires walkin through the valley, move west down ventura boulevard, and all the bad boys standing in the shadows, and the good girls are home with broken hearts, and I'm free, free fallin.

We don't have to talk about that shit anymore, what a downer. In the meantime I should mention that my kids and fiancee bought me a new game as a pick-me-up gift, Batman Arkham Origins! Played the shit out of that game for like an hour tonight before my eyelids could barely stay open, then instead of going to bed like a rational human being, I walked straight (holy shit Killing Me Softly by The Fugees just came on, I have exceptional taste in music)... walked straight to the office and proceeded to watch three episodes of season 6 of Californication. God I love that show.

Seeing all the shit Hank was going through in that show, and him being a writer and all, I felt compelled to return to my blog and pour my heart out to you, whoever you are.

So my financial situation could't be better, and the statement it couldn't be worse is equally true. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but its definitely gotten worse before its gotten better. I won't go into detail... at the moment.

Have I told you I love my new job? Its not new anymore I suppose, 10 months into it. I work with a lot of awesome people, I enjoy what I actually do and the amount of responsibility I have. There are only two downsides, the first is that I have more work than I could possibly keep up with at the moment, the second is the "political" side of the job. People are just too damn sensitive, I feel like I need to tread lightly when it comes to talking to some particular people (if you are reading this, I assure you that you are not one of those people). When our supervisor Nick was around he constantly warned me in our one on ones that I needed to speak cautiously, not be critical of peoples failures, and try to only put a positive spin on things. I see what he means, and I agree with him, I just wish it wasn't necessary for me to walk on eggshells. Sometimes you need to call a dud a dud and start from scratch.

Either way, its my second favorite job of all time (come on, working at a bookstore was fucking rad, even though at the time I was making 1/3rd the amount of money I make now).

My mind is tired, its running a thousand miles a second, but I'm starting to have trouble keeping it on track at all. I think tonight's blog is coming to a close. Caffeine is to blame for this, I have it so rarely now that it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Anyway, thanks for reading this far (you better not have skipped to the end, if you did, I'm sure you missed something hilarious).

Time to put an end to this touchy feely emo shit, I bid thee adieu.

-The J

PS: I Said GOOD DAY SIR!